Too much thinking (Poem)

Ever been up days straight with nothing but time and thoughts?  I have a lot on my plate and its more than I can eat.  Can't seem to get all my thought out into words to release from mouth to ears.  So I write.  I write a lot.  So much that there are now 40 plus poems I have written in the last three days.  Some how I still don't feel better because I still have a lot more to say!  Make sense?  It does to me.  By the way, thanks for the prayers!  Might not appreciate it now but I will in the end. :-) 

Too Much Thinking.......

The ringing in my head won't stop

as I lay in pain watching the clock

I wonder if I am the only one up at this time

losing sleep as time fly on by

I think about those who I've let go from my life

especially to the one I committed to being his wife

I'm so tired of thinking

no longer speaking

that I have completely

let go cause I'm so weak

In my body there's no fight

Gosh....can I please get some sleep tonight!

No more pills

prayers or religious wills

I hurt bad

deeply angered and sad

no more speaking

gave in completely

looked at me

not liking what I see

no family of my own

no peace in my home

no medical to help the sick

no understanding to this

what I thought was my family

wrote blood is thicker than water to me

folks can't handle my honesty

I say shut the *#^ up and let me be

That is one thing I love about me

I won't stop no matter how much you hate on me

and you.......stop kissing me on my head

stay on your side of the bed

No one truly understands

the hurt, the anger at hand

my past is in my face

too painful to look at in any place

Dad you walked away

Mom you've hated me since I arrived in the place

My siblings you got your wish

I'm out the way you can have that ish

Not gone gang up on me

We will no longer speak

Ya'll are not my family

keep my name out yo mouth, let me be

to my external fam, I heard you loud and clear

I'm accepted as long as I be a dear

to not speak to your inner circle

So you bruise my heart with colors of red and purple

the blow is hard, I got it! I understand!

I married into it, the name don't flow inside my hand

If I want to be mistreated I'll stay with my own

fighting a battle like the day I was born

ugh!  a family of?........

what the heck was I thinking of!

I'm really sick of thinking

I will not be speaking

I chose who I deal with completely

Mind is strong body is weak

Sick of fighting

Gosh....I really want some sleep tonight!

Sincerely,