At the Crossroads....(Poem)

I'm bleeding and its a shame

that I am breathing and someone's playing me like a game

Yet the jokes on me

You see,

I wonder how far I was going to fall

when I allowed the enemy in my life

I'm the basketball 

on the court

bouncing into hole

the other team score 

while the other team won't work

Your ideal promises broke into my heart

had my mind all torn apart

I want to be angry with you

but I must be true

to the fact that it really is my fault

I was better off to steal from you and to get caught

then to have to face myself in the mirror

what a horror.

Not that I'm ugly or unattractive

but that my inner beauty

has nothing else to give

from such a cutie....pie

Man! my soul has seem to have died

I'm reminded of the energy that's of yours within me

that makes me feel so incomplete

Yes! I walked away

Yes! my heart is stained

Yes! I quit

only to rethink my actions to not commit

to you

to us

no matter how much I've tried

or cried

there's no trust

Did I hear God right

or did I hear "that is not right?"

Maybe I heard something

that was meant for nothing

Come on Punkin

get it together

it just had to get better

I thought you were the heart of David man!

I thought you would lead like Moses and provide me a hand

I thought you had faith like Abraham, boy was I wrong

Unlike Noah your attention to detail just didn't make the song

fit for this misfit

whose was trying to not quit

Can your selfishness get out your own path

why is 1+1 equals three, whats up with the math

the mind is a terrible thing to waste

so is the heart and love of a woman trace

My heart has failed me

My ears have become deaf

because I opened up and walked away

can I claim it theft?

Can I call 911

Can I have a talk with the Father and Son

How can this be

and why did this happen to me

I know I know

its my fault

it was my love for you

that had me caught

Up in the moment

now here I am with no feelings

my piggy bank is all spent

Wow!  Where is the sunshine that be

Where is me?

I am hanging here on this cross

bleeding, 

open,

naked

for the world to see my loss.......

Sincerely,

Too much thinking (Poem)

Ever been up days straight with nothing but time and thoughts?  I have a lot on my plate and its more than I can eat.  Can't seem to get all my thought out into words to release from mouth to ears.  So I write.  I write a lot.  So much that there are now 40 plus poems I have written in the last three days.  Some how I still don't feel better because I still have a lot more to say!  Make sense?  It does to me.  By the way, thanks for the prayers!  Might not appreciate it now but I will in the end. :-) 

Too Much Thinking.......

The ringing in my head won't stop

as I lay in pain watching the clock

I wonder if I am the only one up at this time

losing sleep as time fly on by

I think about those who I've let go from my life

especially to the one I committed to being his wife

I'm so tired of thinking

no longer speaking

that I have completely

let go cause I'm so weak

In my body there's no fight

Gosh....can I please get some sleep tonight!

No more pills

prayers or religious wills

I hurt bad

deeply angered and sad

no more speaking

gave in completely

looked at me

not liking what I see

no family of my own

no peace in my home

no medical to help the sick

no understanding to this

what I thought was my family

wrote blood is thicker than water to me

folks can't handle my honesty

I say shut the *#^ up and let me be

That is one thing I love about me

I won't stop no matter how much you hate on me

and you.......stop kissing me on my head

stay on your side of the bed

No one truly understands

the hurt, the anger at hand

my past is in my face

too painful to look at in any place

Dad you walked away

Mom you've hated me since I arrived in the place

My siblings you got your wish

I'm out the way you can have that ish

Not gone gang up on me

We will no longer speak

Ya'll are not my family

keep my name out yo mouth, let me be

to my external fam, I heard you loud and clear

I'm accepted as long as I be a dear

to not speak to your inner circle

So you bruise my heart with colors of red and purple

the blow is hard, I got it! I understand!

I married into it, the name don't flow inside my hand

If I want to be mistreated I'll stay with my own

fighting a battle like the day I was born

ugh!  a family of?........

what the heck was I thinking of!

I'm really sick of thinking

I will not be speaking

I chose who I deal with completely

Mind is strong body is weak

Sick of fighting

Gosh....I really want some sleep tonight!

Sincerely,

Kiss it away (Poem)

Think back to a time where you fell.

By accident or from someone who yelled.

Remember when daddy kissed your “boo boo”?

Or mommy came to pick you up and nurse you.

Perhaps you cried and got mad.

Fought the ground that made you mad or sad.

You look at yourself and see blood.

Grass, dirt & rocks all sorts of crud.

You get back on your feet in search of a band-aid.

To clean up the mess that your clumsy feet has made.

A day or two later you see a scar.

You may pick at it and again it gets raw.

You see it finally heals itself away.

Until it happens again someday.

This time you are in the habit.

To care for it, like opening a hole and pulling out a rabbit.

Only now the boo boo is much bigger than before.

Doctors tell you your’re sick and you go crying out the door.

People say they prayin for you.

Family just don’t know what to do.

Friends gossiping behind your back.

While your mind races 180 miles off track.

Cryin just don’t get it!

Healing isn’t clicking!

But time is steadily ticking!

Yet my mind is always tripping!

Why can’t my boo boo go away.

Not tomorrow but TODAY!

I don’t want to do any treatments!

Money is completely spent!

People just don’t get it!

Healing isn’t clicking!

My time is steadily ticking!

And yes my mind is really trippin!

My boo boo’s can’t be kissed away or tamed.

Not this time…

no scars to heal…

because there are lesions on my brain.

Sincerely,

 

Written by Forealdoh (Cheryl DeVaughn)

No Matter What.........

"Our giving is no longer a debt that we owe, but a seed that we sow."

"The great tragedy of life is not unanswered prayer, but unoffered prayer."

"Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

Devotional Reading
Old Testament - Deuteronomy Chapter 27(ALL) and Chapter 28:68, Psalm 39:12-13, Proverbs 13:7, 8
New Testament - Luke 6:27-49

As I thought about the good times and all the ups and down life has thrown my way, I realized I have so much to be thankful for. I survived my father not being there, my mother and the drugs she use to be on, the difference my family made between my sister and I, being sick all my life, rape, molestation and the many knives that was placed in my back and much more. I also survived all the mess I took innocent people through and the hurt I purposely gave to those who brought harm my way. Until I realize GOD for the truthfulness and loveliness he provides and provided all my life. Even in the midst of my wrong doing, I had someone, something to call my own whether I realized it or not. God giving his son for little ole me is enough to bring tears to my eyes. No person alive or dead can show me that much love, maybe a pinch but there is None Greater than the love of God.

I write all that to say.......No matter what you are faced with, death of a loved, job loss, financial burden, lack of wants/needs, uncertainty don't let the devil in hell steal the one good thing you have. Your PRAISE!!! God is waiting for you to clap your hands in his honor, sing with joy, shout in His name giving him the highest praise, HALLELUJAH!!!!!

If you want God to move, you must first move. You can not make a plug, plug itself into the outlet. God don't need you, it is the other way around. When His day is not right, he don't come looking for you. When your day isn't right or something happen you are calling on him! No matter what, STOP taking God for granted and learn to love and appreciate him NOW! No matter what, love yourself and then love your neighbors! No matter what, help those less fortunate and bless those who don't need it. Let me explain, when you help those less fortunate we do the work required by God; but when we bless those who is already blessed their blessings bestowed upon them is now also on you. The key to life is blessing! No matter what, be a blessing to someone!!!!

God Bless and I pray I have Blessed someone whose reading this.
Cheryl aka Forealdoh (4 Real Doh) :)